Skip to main content

Love, Sex and Intelligence




Let's talk about sex. You know.... physical attraction, not necessarily the act, itself. But we can talk about that as well. What -- if anything -- influences our levels of attraction toward certain people? What inhibits them? Is it nature vs. nurture? A bit of both? And is it good or bad to assign labels to people's sexuality? Let's explore, shall we.

There are a lot of factors that shape our perceptions of what sexuality is, and those include (but are not limited to): culture, religion, age, environment and life experience. I have my own views of human sexuality. Yours may differ. That's ok. I wouldn't expect us to agree on every single point. Yet I think it's an interesting subject to discuss. The 'life experience' factor is a biggie, probably as influential as religion or culture. 


It's true that I've experienced things with guys (yes, more than one) who now have wives and kids. Do I consider them to be gay? No. Is that a controversial opinion? Perhaps. It's based upon observation and experience with the two guys in question. Generally speaking, some folks would never consider messing around with someone who didn't fit into their own sexual outlook (gay or straight). Some people might consider it, but wouldn't do it, due to cultural/societal and/or religious factors. Then, there are those who'd consider and/or act upon having some experiences that would fall outside their sexual norms. I place the two aforementioned guys in the last category.

Indeed, I like to consider everyone on a scale. Alfred Kinsey thought in a similar way. His scale went as follows:
0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual

This seems about right, and pretty much fits into my view on where most people's sexuality exists. Interestingly enough, my encounters with folks whose self-descriptions would put them in the # 3 category have, to-the-person, been more like # 2. Not sure what's up there. Perhaps this is what has led to a lot of folks refusing to believe that people can be truly bisexual, that they tend to basically favor one  gender over another?

Of course, believing in a scale makes one consider the viability of labels. I happen to be someone who thinks that labels are ok. I'm aware that there are those who hate them but, let's be practical here, we need ways to identify and relate to things. Looking at the above Kinsey scale, we could assign numbers 0-2 as being "straight," number 3 as "bisexual," and numbers 5-6 as "gay." Nothing really wrong with that. Except that some folks don't like being categorized, whether they be gay as straight, or straight as gay. Fair enough. But why should such assignations be so taboo?

We seem to think that we're to be just one thing or another. Why not feel comfortable admitting to belonging to a broader spectrum? I've never been with a woman, but have twice had the opportunity, and with women whom I found attractive. It wasn't enough. But the fact that I even found them attractive enough to consider having sex with puts me in a different placement on the scale than some of my gay brethren. But I'm still gay. Heck, even gay men who have been with women are still gay. And some men who've been with other men are straight.

Not black & white, is it?



Comments

  1. I think I fall somewhere on the order of a 4 on Kinsey's scale. Generally speaking, I describe myself as being 80/20 (gay/straight, respectively), which long confused my husband, who, up until recently, denied there being any mid-point on the scale. It's only been in more recent years that I've more openly identified as being bisexual, and it still seems to cause people trauma. I feel another post coming on...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting, Daniel. I'm intrigued now to read a post from you about this!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If You Could Read My Mind

Dance clubs are a funny thing. They contain within their walls a life force and vibrancy sometimes unmatched anywhere else. When dusk settles and the lights come on, people will flood the dance floors to gyrate to music with hypnotic beats and songs about love, lust and fun at the disco. At gay bars, this sort of scenario usually increases ten-fold. It isn't for everyone, but for many it is a respite from the harsh realities of the real word. It is a place that isn't just a structure, but a sanctuary where folks -- minorities in their own communities -- can take shelter and unwind with abandon, at least for a few nighttime hours.
As someone who benefited greatly from such an aforementioned gay dance club, you can imagine my dismay at news of the closing of Chester Street Bar. In business for over three decades, gay-owned and operated, there was a time when C-Street (as it was known by most) was the only haven for those in the LGBT community, near and far, to enjoy themselves …

Third Death

My father has had three funerals. The third (though perhaps not final) one, was last night.
In reality, Lewis died in 1997. Cancer. Aged 52. He had a real funeral. I was there. The next two funerals occurred only in my dreams, yet they seemed real at the time, and their impact during the waking hours was keenly felt.
You see, during the intervening nineteen years, Lewis has come back to life in my dreams, many times. It is more than simply having a dream about him. During these nighttime images, it is noted that Lewis shouldn't be there, that he died of cancer and is resting six feet under. How, then, could he be alive and, seemingly, healthy?

Thoughts on an Election

Before I get started on the ruminations of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election, I'll begin by saying I really have no clue as to who our next president will be. I've always fretted over the outcome of elections, regardless of the polls, and this year is no different. Especially this year. A good case can be made as to why Hillary Clinton will become our 45th president. All one has to do is look at the polls. Clinton has a comfortable lead in many states, enough to make one think that she will win handily on November 8th.
Of course, polls can be wrong. 538 gives Clinton's changes of winning in the low-mid 80 percent range. Several polls would seem to agree. Many Republicans are jumping ship from Trump. The race looks over. But of course, humanity isn't as easily predictable as polling would have us believe. Things happen. People can surprise us. And, for better or worse, I think that Donald Trump may very well become our next president.