There have been a few events during my life, some personal, some en masse, that have impacted my life profoundly. Their influence was profound, altering my perception of the world, and my life in it. I feel as though the current pandemic ought to be another one of those occasions but, honestly, I don't know what to think of it at the moment. There have been some short-term affects, but it is difficult to comprehend the long-term ramifications at this point.
I was working the same retail job when my dad died (1997) and the September 11th attacks occurred (2001). On both occasions, I internally rejected the notion of our addiction to consumerism and materialism. When you watch one of your parents gradually waste away, and struggle to breathe, it psychologically and emotionally rearranges your way of thinking. Likewise, when you witness -- for the first time in your life -- an act of terrorism on American soil from a foreign agent, it has the (intended) effect of destabilizing any sense of safety and complacency you might have had.
Of course, life goes on, as it always does. I needed to earn a living, so I continued working the retail job that sold electronics to people, even though, in the aftermath of my father's death, I thought it was about the least important thing to be doing with my life. The country seemed frozen for a few days after 9/11, but it eventually cranked back to its normal hustle and bustle. Nature abhors a vacuum. We will find a way to adapt to a major occurrence, as we ride its ripple effects into a new paradigm.
It wasn't until I faced my own mortality that a true shift-in-thought occurred. I've written extensively on this blog about my time with cancer, so won't bore you again here with it. I will only remark that it managed to profoundly impact my outlook, sometimes so deeply that I'm not even aware of it. If that makes any sense? It is, ultimately, the center of my current gravity in that I always remind myself that while there's good health, there's hope. And, for me, that's not some hollow platitude meant to reassure. It's real, it's knowable, and it serves as an internal slap-to-the-face, in case I every start to get too maudlin over something.
And now we are in the midst of a pandemic. This kind of event isn't unprecedented, though it is certainly a new scenario to most everyone alive currently. I've gone through the normal stages of worries and concerns that a lot of people have: fretting over the possibility of myself or a loved one getting COVID-19, and what it would do to us. The negative impact on the economy, and how it will affect our community, and communities across the world. The prospect of my household losing its income due to job loss. Financial disaster. Not being able to afford the medicine I need to stay alive (a byproduct of the cancer treatment).
So yeah, being all semi-Zen about things because of an encounter with cancer 10 years ago doesn't mean I don't worry about stuff -- far from it. And, if there's a time where we should have permission to worry, it's during a pandemic. And yet, my post-cancer mindset has kicked-in here, as well. I realize, once all the anxiety has subsided, that as long as enough of us have our health, there will be a way forward. The terrain may look different than what we've been used to, but we will adapt. There will be no other choice.
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