There's a meme folks have been sharing on social media recently and, frankly, it rankles me on a particular level. It's one of those pro-church messages that couches itself in some sort of welcoming religious love, however, built within it is an insult. And I probably don't have to tell you wherein the insult lies. Here, then, is the wording of the meme, verbatim:
"If you are having sex before are married, go to church anyways! If you are a drug addict trying to beat addiction, go to church anyways! If you are confused about whether you are straight or gay, go to church anyways! If you have an addiction to anything, go to church anyways! Churches are hospitals for the broken. Even people saved aren't perfect. It doesn't make you a hypocrite to go to church and do bad things, it makes you a hypocrite when you do them and claim that you aren't. Do you know how to break addition?!? By having people pray for you and pray with you!!! No need to be ashamed, every single person inside those 4 walls have done things they aren't proud of, all of us have started somewhere and some of us (ME) have a past that isn't great and have done things we'd never say out loud! Go to church anyways, it may just be what changes your life!"
We've come such a long way with LGBT rights, it is a wake-up call to see people that I know sharing and liking these words in 2020. Indeed, it's a reminder of how easy it is to assume what is in people's hearts and minds. You may think people are your friends. You may think they are okay with you and your same-sex partner. You may, however, be wrong. Let's break this down.
The meme is heavy on the trials of addiction and, for the most part, addiction isn't a good thing. There's also the mention of sex before marriage, which is a judgment call. Then, tossed into the mix we have confusion over whether you're gay or straight. It is difficult not to see the context of all this as negative. After all, the meme doesn't say things like: 'If you are someone who helps little old ladies across the street with their groceries, go to church anyways!' Most people would probably find that to be an odd sort of framing, as helping little old ladies cross the street with their groceries is seen as a good thing to do. Drug addiction, sex before marriage, and non-straight sexuality are often seen as bad things by certain types of churches.
Of course, those who share the meme don't see it in a negative context -- quite the opposite. They see church as a respite from troubles, a place of love and acceptance, with arms wide open for all sorts of sinners. In fact, the meme craftily mentions how everyone inside the church has sinned in some way. The important thing is not to continue to sin with abandon. Fight against your sin(s), and "it may just be what changes your life." The problem, as I see it anyway, is that while addiction is something to overcome, one's sexuality isn't. LGBT people have a long history of dealing with judgment and negativity, and it doesn't need to be exacerbated by awful memes from (hopefully) well-meaning people who are doing much more harm than good.
I am reminded of an exchange a few years ago with an acquaintance. She -- rather out of the blue -- invited me to her church. She knew that I was gay, and I knew that she was straight. I wasn't very familiar with her politics or religious background, so I briskly asked, "Are they cool with gay people there?" Her reply made me do a double-take as she swayed back & forth, looked up at the ceiling and said, "Oh, of course! I mean, we're all sinners." I didn't go to her church. Implicit in her statement was that my being gay (and, subsequently, the relationship with my partner) was a sin. And, for religious folk, sinning ain't cool. Yeah, people fall prey to it, but the objective is, again, to overcome sin, not proudly wallow in it.
For most gay people who are able to be comfortable in their own skin, who they love or are attracted to isn't something they are looking to change. Imagine you are heterosexual, and in a relationship, and that being straight has, historically, been something you've had to be careful about sharing. Someone comes along and seems to be friendly with you. You ask if they're okay with you being straight, and they reply, 'Oh, of course! Look, I've done bad things, too.' Now, I ask, are you going to feel comfortable around them? Are you going to feel as if they really accept you? Are you going to feel like they're okay with your opposite-sex relationship?
The words and sign posts of love and acceptance can be used in different ways to mean different things. And we can debate what our own definition of love is, but I'd argue that it would seem to come with an asterisk if there is an expectation of change. And I am insulted that being "confused" about one's sexuality is lumped-in with something like drug addiction. It's not that I'm shocked there are people who still think this way. I am shocked that I know people who are like this, who equate a part of who I am and who I love with an addiction. As I said earlier, it's a wake-up call, and not the good kind.
There are lots of loving and accepting churches out there, whose interpretation of scripture is truly welcoming. I have been to several of them, and will likely go back. I will not, however, be going to the churches of the folks who share this dreadful meme.
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