On Social Media

Profuse profanity. Catty remarks. Bad news. Pleasure in others' suffering. Near-constant outrage. In-case-you-didn't-know posts about depressing situations, sometimes accompanied by terse, negative commentary. These things are often commonplace on social media (I'm an old man, so for me that means Facebook and Twitter). Accessing social media sometimes requires taking a deep breath, bracing oneself for whatever gloomy, pessimistic entries one may find from others.

Then, as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed one day last summer, my left wrist buzzed. Thinking it was a notification of a text or e-mail, I glanced at it only to find the following message:

"Your Apple Watch has detected a heartbeat above 120 BPM while you were resting."

It recommended keeping an eye on it, or seeking attention if necessary. And I was, indeed, resting, sitting lazily on the couch on a comfortable summer day. That was the deciding moment. I'd been contemplating what to do about social media for quite a while. The alert from the watch, coming after just a few minutes of scrolling through an online pool of bad news, clapbacks and self-affirming memes was the icing on the cake. I was going to quit Facebook.

Well, quitting Facebook didn't seem truly feasible, so I made a compromise: delete my account, and start fresh. At that point, I had about 750 "friends," down from around 850 a few months earlier before a major culling. When reviewing several posts I'd made, particularly ones that were positive, it seemed as though a lot of people responded to them, but when comparing those to the total number of "friends," it was only about 20% or so. Obviously, there were a lot of people who simply weren't very interactive. And that's fine, people are busy and what not. But it meant that maybe we didn't really need to be virtually connected?

So, mid-summer last year, I deleted my Facebook account, and started anew, deciding to curate a much more realistic friends list. This, I told myself, will be a much more pure experience. I purposefully did not re-friend those who'd rarely interacted with me before, and who tended to post negative, near-constant outrage about the news of the world. Not long after starting the new account, it was mine and Ashley's anniversary, and so I made a post about it. Of the small friends list at the time, roughly 85% of those friends reacted to it. This is what I was wanting! This is a positive online experience! These are the people who I should really allow into my (online) life!

Over on Twitter, things were changing, too, though in a much less Draconian fashion. I have three accounts there. One is currently necessary, one was becoming tedious to scroll through (for much the same reasons as on Facebook), and one was just plain fun. I decided to make the latter option my primary account, and it is (mostly) free from much of the fear and anger of the world. Not to overstate the matter, but it is my online sanctuary.

This may come across like sticking one's head in the sand, at least in a virtual sense. Thing is, I deal with reality day in, day out. I keep up with the news, and know what's going on in the world. I've had my shared of health-related issues. I have lived life as a double minority. And, I serve in an informed position where issues are faced and decisions are made. Life is certainly not avoided for the most part. Now, it may seem odd to some, but I need an outlet from all that. I still want to believe in the best of humanity. It does my heart and mind no good when I see people -- people I know and like -- saying terrible things, even if they're said about terrible people. When I scroll through a social media feed and read vitriol from folks who I know are better than that, it, well, it sends my heart rate above 120 BPM, obviously.

One has to be careful here, to not cross a line that would seem as though there is an advocacy of censorship. If people really want to primarily use their online persona as trumpet of bad news and retorts, then that is their right. But when fifty, a hundred, a hundred-and-fifty, etc. people are doing it, then it becomes an avalanche.

I am just old enough to remember life without constant bombardment from the online world (granted, we choose to go online, so that is duly noted). It all still seems a bit artificial, and certainly not an accurate representation of the real world at all. People seem to come across much better in reality than online, at least in my experience. And, I have rarely witnessed (or participated in) a debate on social media that has moved anyone's needle.

In closing, it should be noted that I am not immune from the traits and actions described in this post. I have certainly had occasions of anger and frustration expressed online. They haven't been my best moments. But, I do really try to keep my feed fairly lighthearted and upbeat, both for my own sanity, and that of others. It has even prompted some people to privately inquire why I haven't posted something about this outrage or that. Honestly, it just isn't what I view as the social media experience. Perhaps I'm missing the boat? Your mileage may vary.