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Whistle Down the Wind

Last night was pretty rough, emotionally. It was the culmination of a week's worth of feeling down. Events were triggered by - of all things - a movie, continued to snowball because of interactions with friends, and then came to a head after once more confronting internal conflicts regarding my late father. I ended up arriving at my mother's house unannounced, and crying for a bit (something I haven't done in probably two decades, at least).

It is clear that the root of many of my issues is a series of letdowns, from various people. Sometimes, the blame for this can be laid squarely on the shoulders of others. Often, however, I need to look inward. That is to say, I need to re-evaluate my expectations.

All of us come at life with a set of expectations, whether we think deeply about them, or not. This is, of course, based upon our lives thus far (upbringing, experiences, relationships, etc.) The older we get, the less likely we are to change. Thus, for many folks, their expectations have solidified based upon their overall outlook. Unfortunately (in this case), people are different, and so different people beget different expectations and, invariably, disappointment.

Arguably, love is the most important aspect of life. How that love (in its various forms) is expressed is often the subject of much frustration. This can be boiled down to the different ways that people think, and what they expect of others, and believe that others should expect of them.

I think I expect too much from people. This is something that needs to be worked on.


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If You Could Read My Mind

Dance clubs are a funny thing. They contain within their walls a life force and vibrancy sometimes unmatched anywhere else. When dusk settles and the lights come on, people will flood the dance floors to gyrate to music with hypnotic beats and songs about love, lust and fun at the disco. At gay bars, this sort of scenario usually increases ten-fold. It isn't for everyone, but for many it is a respite from the harsh realities of the real word. It is a place that isn't just a structure, but a sanctuary where folks -- minorities in their own communities -- can take shelter and unwind with abandon, at least for a few nighttime hours.
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