Skip to main content

Nothing Has Been Proved

There was a conversation once between my mother and I. The genesis of the discussion eludes me these days, but what sticks in my mind is a comparison mom made between her and my father and, subsequently, myself. We must have been talking about interpersonal relationships, because she remarked:

"You know, Matt, people have nothing to prove to me when I meet them. I trust them from the get go, and then, if they do something later to show that I shouldn't trust them, then they have something to prove. But I think you're like your dad. With him, people always had to prove themselves to him first, before he would trust them. I'm just not like that."

The aforementioned conversation has always stuck with me. At first, I tried analyzing my mother's words, to see if they were correct. After some contemplation, I agreed with her. And it wasn't necessarily something I was proud of (she hadn't meant it as a compliment). How, then, to modify this rather anti-social stance of mine? Well, it hasn't been easy and, to be truthful, I'm not sure I've actually done much about it.

I tend to remember the wrongs inflicted upon me more readily than I do the good things people have done for me/to me. The wrongs also tend to have more of an emotional resonance as opposed to the nice things. I understand that this is an internal, psychological issue. It's something I've been working on bettering for quite some time. The success rate has been variable. Certain aspects affect my ability to cope with the negative occasions, such as how tired I feel, what sort of day or week I've been having, and generally what issues I may be dealing with at the time.

The upshot is, I often still feel as if folks have something to prove to me. And I feel betrayed or emotionally wounded very easily. The words of my mother still ring in my head during times like this, and I try and overcome such idiosyncrasies, but it's not always easy.

The movie Terri has a scene where an assistant principal has a conversation about human nature with one of his students, and he says that, "People are just doing the best they can, the best they know how."  I'll try to keep that in mind.


  1. I think I'm more like you than I am your mother. It's not that I'm suspicious of people so much as that I don't trust my initial instincts, and go with a "time will tell" mentality.

    And though I agree people are usually doing the best they can, I also think it's ok to come to terms with the fact that their best isn't always good enough. If the best they can be is rude and insensitive, they're not invited to play in my sandbox.

  2. "And though I agree people are usually doing the best they can, I also think it's ok to come to terms with the fact that their best isn't always good enough."

    I think you may have nailed it here. Thank you!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog


Ok, we're now three-fourths of the way through this year's calendar, so I thought I'd rank the thirty-eight 2017 movies I've seen so far.

Here they are....

1. A Quiet Passion
2. Baby Driver
3. Dunkirk
4. Get Out
5. Kedi
6. A Ghost Story
7. Wonder Woman
8. Columbus
9. Brad's Status
10. Marjorie Prime
11. Maudie
12. Logan
13. Spider-Man: Homecoming
14. Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2
15. Brigsby Bear
16. Atomic Blonde
17. The Big Sick
18. Split
19. Kong: Skull Island
20. It
21. Wind River
22. A Cure for Wellness
23. The Hitman's Bodyguard
24. Norman
25. Kingsman: The Golden Circle
26. Logan Lucky
27. Alien Covenant
28. Ghost In the Shell
29. War for the Planet of the Apes
30. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
31. Life
32. Annabelle: Creation
33. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
34. My Cousin Rachel
35. Baywatch
36. The Bye Bye Man
37. mother!
38. It Comes at Night

It will be interesting to see what the last three months of the year brin…

If You Could Read My Mind

Dance clubs are a funny thing. They contain within their walls a life force and vibrancy sometimes unmatched anywhere else. When dusk settles and the lights come on, people will flood the dance floors to gyrate to music with hypnotic beats and songs about love, lust and fun at the disco. At gay bars, this sort of scenario usually increases ten-fold. It isn't for everyone, but for many it is a respite from the harsh realities of the real word. It is a place that isn't just a structure, but a sanctuary where folks -- minorities in their own communities -- can take shelter and unwind with abandon, at least for a few nighttime hours.
As someone who benefited greatly from such an aforementioned gay dance club, you can imagine my dismay at news of the closing of Chester Street Bar. In business for over three decades, gay-owned and operated, there was a time when C-Street (as it was known by most) was the only haven for those in the LGBT community, near and far, to enjoy themselves …


"Step out from the mask you stand behind Fearful lost and blind Time to take the time The pressure’s on you Hide away, hide away No tomorrow, just today"
- Brilliant, Ultravox
Today was National Coming Out Day, so of course it gives some pause for reflection on my own coming out story. It was in April 1993, my junior year of high school (go Chargers!). In the six years of writing this blog, I have alluded to how I came out, but never really delved into the intricacies of how it came about. What better day to do so than today?
My first (small) indications of homosexuality manifested in grade school. While in first grade, I thought a fifth grader looked cute. In fifth grade, I would stare, longingly, at a boy in class, until he caught me looking at him. There were some infatuations with boys in middle school, and a first sexual experience during freshman year of high school. Everything up to that point had been, for the most part, based in the physical realm. I liked the way certain…