A Warm Embrace

"When are you going to hug me?"

- character of Elton John, in Rocketman


"I long for your inscrutable pale face
I hunger for your beautiful embrace"

- Pet Shop Boys, King of Rome

Physical intimacy is an often taboo subject for discussion. It either happens or it doesn't. It is not something that people often examine in great detail, therefore, it's probably an odd topic for me to write about. Still, I am fascinated by our interactions, and why people are the way they are. So it goes.

Being physically close with someone doesn't come naturally to yours truly. I am always conscious of whether or not to initiate the interaction, whether it be romantic or platonic. Who knows? That may be the way it is for everyone, though sometimes I will witness two people -- often two friends, and often two women -- embrace each other as though it were second nature, as though it were simple and honest and the right thing to do. Perhaps it was, for them.

Growing up, physical affection wasn't paramount in my household. It's difficult to know if it was more so in other homes. Mom hugged me, for sure, but it wasn't a constant thing. Dad never did. It wasn't until I was in my teens that the notion of hugging someone even entered my mind on a conscious level. I was at what can best be described as a lesbian party, and one of them -- a boyish-looking thirty-something woman with a bowl cut hairdo and near-constant smirk -- saw me in the crowd and put our her hands. I'd never had someone, especially a stranger, actively demand a hug, so I was a bit wide-eyed, but acquiesced.

"Oh, that's bullshit!" cried the woman, breaking away as she shook her head. I watched as the beer she was holding in one hand almost sloshed out of the bottle, she was waving her arms so much. "You give triangle hugs!" This, dear reader, was when I learned about the two different types of hugs, and it is something that has stuck me with ever since. I take notice of how people hug one another all the time now.

Basically, it was explained to me by the outgoing woman at the party that people who don't feel close, or who have proximity issues will hug standing apart, then lean-in toward the shoulders to complete the hug. Viewed from afar, this looks akin to a triangle. Warmer, friendlier, more intimate hugs do not feature space between the persons involved.

"Most people give triangle hugs," the woman remarked and, if my observations during the intervening years are worth anything, she was right. Not sure why. Perhaps a sociologist would know? What has become more apparent the older I get is how much I tend to value a hug. It's gone from something I never thought about, to something that means a lot. I dunno, maybe it's simply knowing certain people longer, and cherishing their company? Or having people you've known and loved pass away, and realizing all the times you didn't give them a hug hello or goodbye?

Why am I writing about this now? Aside from the aforementioned fascination with human interaction, I recently witnessed two strangers (to me) out in public. It appeared to be a planned meeting. They saw one another from about twenty feet apart, stopped, smiles spreading across their faces. They joyfully drew closer and embraced in the warmest, friendliest hug I've ever seen. I could almost feel the release of love radiating from them. It is unclear if they hadn't seen each other in decades, years, months, or days, but what was clear is how happy they were to be in the other's presence.

The hug said all of that.