Left to my own devices

"You can't be in love with someone if they don't love you back." My friend Jake said those words to me one night in the late '90s. I was at his house and we were, for whatever reason, waxing poetic about love and relationships. Actually, I do know the reason. I was besotted with a guy at the time, and mentioned, in brief passing, that I was in love with him. Jake caught the turn of phrase and felt the need to correct it. He knew the person in question, and knew that the feelings I held were not reciprocated. Jake didn't explain his comment too deeply (he wasn't really one for such conversations in the first place), but I'll always remember his remark because it stopped me in my tracks. For a time, I'd bristle at the memory of those words but, as the years have gone on, I've come to realize he may have been right. There is, after all, a difference between loving someone, and being in love with them. And love, in and of itself, has many meanings.

Someone on Twitter shared an article about amatonormativity recently. I read it, and found it interesting. The article posits that our society places too much of an emphasis on the supposed virtues of romance, monogamy, and generally romantic and sexual coupling, to the detriment of the healthy and deeper development of platonic friendships. Indeed, it would seem to put a stigma on being single and alone (or "self-partnered," as the Harry Potter grown-up-kids prefer to call themselves ).  From the article: "Amatonormativity is, essentially, "the assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types," according to Elizabeth Brake." This is one of those scenarios where I don't necessarily disagree with the premise, but have doubts about what comes af...

"When are you going to hug me?" - character of Elton John, in Rocketman "I long for your inscrutable pale face I hunger for your beautiful embrace" - Pet Shop Boys, King of Rome Physical intimacy is an often taboo subject for discussion. It either happens or it doesn't. It is not something that people often examine in great detail, therefore, it's probably an odd topic for me to write about. Still, I am fascinated by our interactions, and why people are the way they are. So it goes. Being physically close with someone doesn't come naturally to yours truly. I am always conscious of whether or not to initiate the interaction, whether it be romantic or platonic. Who knows? That may be the way it is for everyone, though sometimes I will witness two people -- often two friends, and often two women -- embrace each other as though it were second nature, as though it were simple and honest and the right thing to do. Perhaps it was, for...