Skip to main content

How Long Have You Been Together?


We all mark time in different ways. Anniversaries and celebrations for this or that event, or a particular occasion. Relationships are often top of the list. Growing up, wedding anniversaries were often the major milestone I witnessed people took the most note of. There are even particular gifts designated for each year of wedded bliss.

Unfortunately, society was to erect roadblocks to marrying the person of my choice, at least for several years. Same-sex marriage was something done piecemeal for awhile, before finally being legalized nationwide by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2015. And let's not forget the precursor to same-sex marriage, civil unions. Those were also done haphazardly, on a state-by-state basis.

What the aforementioned scattershot approach has meant for same-sex couples across the nation is that there are often several different anniversary dates, and not borne of choice. Ashley & I alone have four anniversary dates (when we met, a commitment ceremony, civil union and then marriage). Honestly, it's all gotten a bit silly.

The range of halting and, at times, confusing progression toward marriage equality has made a difference in how same-sex couples count their time together as compared with their heterosexual counterparts. Until recently, gays and lesbians did not have the luxury of marrying whenever they chose to. It could not be part of the plan from the beginning of the relationship. This is why Ashley & I consider our anniversary to be when we first met and started dating, rather than a long-delayed legal recognition date.

Truthfully, I prefer such a marker. For everyone. Whenever a straight couple celebrates their wedding anniversary, I'm always wanting to know more about when they met. How did they meet? What day was that? How did it go? What was the path like from first date to wedding day? It would seem that to notate only one's wedding day would be to exclude the time that came before. That is just as much, if not more, important than the time that came after, surely?

So, yes, celebrate your wedding anniversary by all means. But know that it doesn't tell the full story and, for some of us, it is more of an arbitrary date than anything else, a day when those who make or judge the laws of this country finally got their act together. And, there are still people who would like to see such freedom rescinded. But they can't take away when we met.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Yesterday's Restaurants

The local newspaper has a feature from one of Champaign-Urbana's most legendary restaurateur's, John Katsinas, on what his favorite area restaurants were that have now since closed (or will soon be closing).  It's a nice little read, and has made me stop and think about the restaurants that have come and gone that have left an indelible (and edible) impression on me throughout the years. Here we go....
Post a Comment
Read more

Watching The Hours

A Twitter friend named Paula has asked for folks to submit ideas for a blog-a-thon about what we think will be the classic films of the future. In other words, what relatively recent movies (namely, from the 21st century), do we think will be considered classics in the decades to come, possibly airing on such venerable stations as Turner Classic Movies ? While a number of films come to mind for such a category, one in particular stood out from the rest, and thus is my entry for Paula's blog-a-thon.
5 comments
Read more

She's Madonna

Today we're going to talk about something very important. We're going to talk about Madonna. "Madge," as she's affectionately known around the gay scene, has been making music for over thirty years. I grew up with her songs, many of them pop classics. In recent years, it can be arguably said that her popularity has waned a bit. During the past decade, Madonna has put out seventeen singles. Of those, three have charted in the US Top 40. Ten Failed to chart at all on the Billboard Hot 100. We now have at least one possibility offered as to why Madge's chart power is waning: Ageism. At least, that's what Diplo (just, Diplo), a producer of some of the tracks off her latest album, thinks . I know it's difficult to be objective about something you've worked on -- whether you were the producer or the artist -- but, as a listener/fan, I have to say that Madonna's most recent work has simply not been that good. Still, we'll hear what ...
Post a Comment
Read more