Left to my own devices

"I could tell by the way you looked at him." A few weeks ago, Ashley & I saw a new foreign film, Touch , and it got me thinking about the past. The movie centers around an older man, Kristofer, who is making the journey from Iceland to the UK, right as the world is shutting down in March of 2020. He soldiers on, as he is on a major quest. He is on the cusp of being diagnosed with a serious illness and, as he and his medical professionals await confirmation, his doctor advises him to tie up any loose ends and take care of unfinished business. We follow Kristofer in the 'present day' of 2020, and then approximately 50 years in the past, as a college student studying in London. He is an aspirational youth, determined to buck the system that he has become so disillusioned with. He drops out of school. and takes a job working in a Japanese restaurant. There he falls in love with the owner's daughter, Miko, who is about his same age. Events happen, and they lose con...

He sat on the floor of my bedroom, his back supported by the side of the bed. He'd scrunched his face up into concentration as he reviewed the issue I was having with my television and its remote control (they didn't seem to be working). This was Kyle, the first person I'd felt heightened emotions for, and he was sitting there in my room attempting to help. I'd mentioned the issue to Kyle earlier in the day, during our Junior year high school English class, mostly as an aside per a throwaway discussion as to what was going on in our respective lives. He volunteered to come over that evening and see if he could help. It was a nice gesture. It would also score some nice points with my mom, who'd already met him on a few previous occasions when he'd come over to have lunch with us during the school day.

In last night's dream, the friend came over and we watched TV. At one point, when we were getting hungry, he enthusiastically volunteered to go pick something up. We agreed on a place, sent in our order, and he bounced off the couch and left, soon to return with a bag of our food. We snacked on the couch, watching various things on Netflix and what not, late into the evening. At times, I worried that he was staying too long, that his family would be expecting him. This concern rose to a verbal question, and he was quick to dismiss it. "Don't worry," he said, "I've told them I'll be with you today." The business world likes to say that time is a precious resource, but that is an applicable statement to every facet of our lives, perhaps most importantly to our personal lives. I was touched that he was spending his time that day focusing on our friendship. Of course, the time came to an end and, around midnight, he went home. I was thinking...

"Step out from the mask you stand behind Fearful lost and blind Time to take the time The pressure’s on you Hide away, hide away No tomorrow, just today" - Brilliant , Ultravox Today was National Coming Out Day , so of course it gives some pause for reflection on my own coming out story. It was in April 1993, my junior year of high school (go Chargers!). In the six years of writing this blog, I have alluded to how I came out, but never really delved into the intricacies of how it came about. What better day to do so than today? My first (small) indications of homosexuality manifested in grade school. While in first grade, I thought a fifth grader looked cute. In fifth grade, I would stare, longingly, at a boy in class, until he caught me looking at him. There were some infatuations with boys in middle school, and a first sexual experience during freshman year of high school. Everything up to that point had been, for the most part, based in the phy...

Odd as it may sound, I remember where I was for every first episode of a new  Star Trek  TV series (well, most of them). It is unclear why they are so clearly emblazoned in my mind, like they were some sort of national event, but there you go. I was reminded of this minor bit of mental trivia while watching the premiere of the latest show in the franchise,  Star Trek Discovery . More on that later.

WARNING: spoilers for the movie Moonlight are to follow. Last night I had the pleasure of seeing one of 2016's best films. Moonlight tells the story, over three chapters, of Chiron. We see him first as a young black kid who is befriended by Juan, the drug dealer with a heart of gold who also, sadly, happens to be where Chiron's mother gets her crack from. Little Chiron is often bullied by his peers, and is generally an unhappy soul. Part two focuses on Chiron as a teenager, his mother still addicted to crack, the bullies still after him, but this time he is befriended by Kevin, who shows him attention and with whom he shares an intimate moment. By far the most powerful and moving portion of Moonlight is its third chapter, where we encounter Chiron as a young man. Now wearing a set of gold teeth coverings and following in Juan's footsteps as a gun-toting drug dealer, Chiron receives a call from Kevin, who is now living out of town and working as a cook in a ...

T'other day at lunch, I was sitting there, eating my chicken strip basket from Dairy Queen and thinking about the first time I felt romantic love for someone, as you do. His name was Kyle. I'm sure I've mentioned him here before. The feelings I developed for him prompted me to eventually face being gay, and to eventually come out of the closet. The lunchtime thoughts pertained mostly to what a significant effect Kyle had on my life, and if he ever thought about me, or if it's more like, 'Matt who?' for him. The realization then struck that the 20th anniversary of my coming out is in 6 months.