Do the Thing

I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. The recent weeks have been pretty mentally and emotionally dire. There's a low-level hum of stress that seems to permeate every fiber of my being. And, yes, much of it is pandemic-related. I've been more fortunate than many, and I realize and appreciate that, but it doesn't mean my life hasn't been impacted, or that I'm devoid of stress points. I've started seeing a therapist, though so far those sessions have only mildly helped. The other night, in one of the darkest moods of late, I thought "I don't think I'm going to make it through this pandemic. There's just nothing to look forward to anymore."

Looking forward to things is something I took for granted in the pre-COVID days. It's doubtful I'm the only who can acknowledge that. Some of the things that filled my calendar were work or council-related, while others were more recreational. To be honest, I miss them all. While life during the pandemic has made me appreciate the more subtle nuances of daily life --  taking walks, enjoying the beauty of the neighborhood, spending more time with Ashley and our cats  -- it has also brought into focus the lack of bigger things, like vacations, trips to nearby cities, concerts and other events, and seeing friends and family.

Last year was a particularly busy one for Ashley & I. There was a re-election campaign that absorbed most of my time during the first quarter of the year, and we saw something like six or seven music concerts, as well. I went to two baseball games (after not having been to one in something like thirty years). We met-up with a friend from England, and we attended the wedding of friends in Chicago. We visited St. Louis 9 out of the 12 months of the year. And, we made some impromptu trips to places we'd never been before. It ran the gamut, from hectic and stressful, to laid back and fun. It was, all things considered a really good year. I wish I'd realized that more while it was happening.

Not all of the things I did last year were things I was sure about. There were the debates about whether or not spend the money on those concerts, or making the trips to St. Louis, staying at hotels, driving across the state to go to the wedding, whether or not to splurge for a friend's birthday, and whether or not to run for re-election, and all that it would entail. But, you know what, I'm glad I did all that. I miss having those options. It's like the Joni Mitchell song says, "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."

So, from now on, I'm not going worry so much about whether or not to experience life. It actually surprises me that  I ever fretted about it so much in the first place. The phrase that keeps coming to mind is, Do the thing. Whatever it is, if I truly want to do it, as long as it doesn't hurt someone, do your best to do it. Of course there will always be practical and financial limitations to consider, that goes without saying. But there have been times I haven't done things for the flimsiest of excuses. Nothing earth-shattering, but still... I could have done them, and chose not to.

It's true that, comparatively, I've been fortunate during the pandemic. I still have health and a home, a job and a partner. Life has been much more greatly impacted for countless others. Understanding that doesn't negate the normal, human reactions I have experienced. So, when the thoughts grow cloudy and dark, and I say to myself, "I don't think I'm going to make it through this pandemic. There's just nothing to look forward to anymore," it's worth remembering the pledge I've made to myself -- whenever the opportunity arises, do the thing. Make (safe) plans to give yourself something to look forward to. Look out for others. Make (safe) plans, if possible. Do the things.